It’s funny, I remember being among those people who played Totally Accurate Battle Simulator when it was in its demo phase, I found it fun, but ultimately lacking in stuff to do — because it’s a demo — and my dinky little laptop couldn’t run it all that well. Now, though, I’m on bigger, better hardware — a PS5… running another PS4 game.
No Story, Just War
One of the fun things about TABS is the fact there’s no story, sure you can formulate one, but in the end it’s just a game about two sides clashing. Nothing more, nothing less, and it’s great.
I’ve expressed how originally, I was a gameplay fanatic and didn’t care about the deeper story in games, but as I grew older I realized not just how important story is to a game, but also how it can even be the selling point of an interactive title.
Moving from Red Dead Redemption to this was jarring to say the least, but a refreshing reset in my mind. So many games are story-heavy that finding one that’s quality where it’s just half-mindless fun is a treat.
[Insert Unit Scream Here]
Like I said, I played the demo of this and did end up with it on Steam, but I never really dug into it. When booting it up, I was pleasantly surprised by the wealth of content. Last I played, there was no “Good” or “Evil” or “Pirates” or any of that, so seeing the game getting updates and new unit types is fantastic.
What’s more, there is so much outside of these new factions to keep you invested — multiplayer, map creation, unit creation, and a sandbox that lets you, within reason, create your own army to clash. This isn’t even mentioning the silly nature of the game itself. Sometimes you can find your side or your opponent’s with some wacky disability like oversized eyes or a small head.
I particularly liked the absurd physics of the Jouster and the power of the Ballista. But, watching the Minotaur plow through halflings was fun too… so was watching Zeus get dogpiled by the little buggers and yet still come out on top.
Modest Army
Unfortunately, Totally Accurate Battle Simulator suffers from something that it has to — limitations. Even the last-gen is powerful, especially with more stylized games that aren’t trying to be realistic or pretty. However, one of the drawing points of this game is creating a real army, while on PC you can make as large of a crew as you want, on console, you’re only capable of 30. Because of this, it loses some luster, as it’s just better to play on PC if you want to get real wacky with hundreds of spearmen getting assaulted by thousands of halflings or one jouster mowing through a football field’s worth of halflings.
Obviously, this isn’t something exclusive to PS4, all console versions have some limitations as things get choppy and unplayable real quick when too many units are on the screen. So, obviously, the TABS team had to pull the reigns back a little.
The other thing that is hard to get over is the controls. This game wasn’t really meant for using a controller and it’s not easy to get the hang of. The center button is toggling battle on and off. I was close to winning a few times, only to accidentally reset the battle by grazing my thumb on the button. It’s not the absolute worst controls, it’s just the default controls feel a bit different, and I don’t like it.
Googly Eyes Make Everything Better
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator ticks a lot of positive boxes for me — it’s content-rich, it’s cheap, and it’s silly fun, but it’s weighed down by console limitations and wonky controls.
You can buy Totally Accurate Battle Simulator on PSN here.
