I'm a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. Why am I so lonely? | Opinion – USA Immediately

I’m a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing sex toys onto the court at WNBA games, and for the lifetime of me, I can’t work out why I’m so lonely.
It actually isn’t my fault. Nothing is my fault. I’m a crypto man who makes misogynistic jokes about issues on the web after which generally carries rubber sex toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the court, disrupting the sport and risking participant harm with the intention to draw consideration to my clever meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.
Why wouldn’t everybody wish to hang around with me, like, actually on a regular basis?
It needs to be the male loneliness epidemic.
I’ve some sturdy opinions on that ‒ and the way it’s all of the fault of ladies who refuse to go on dates with me so I can clarify to them the hilarity of my meme coin.
Generally I’ll be round girls and I’ll carry up my meme coin, and I can inform they don’t actually understand what a meme coin is and don’t get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Inexperienced Dildo Coin after which throwing inexperienced intercourse toys at WNBA video games to attract consideration to a factor that doesn’t technically exist.
So I say to them, “Hey, in case you don’t perceive what a meme coin is, I’d be joyful to spend a number of hours explaining it to you over a espresso date the place I speak your complete time, use the phrase ‘truly’ a superbly cool quantity and ask you nothing about your self. After which you’ll be able to have intercourse with me.”
However they all the time both say no or stroll away laughing, and that makes me wish to return to my online meme coin group and speak to them about how the ladies who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it laborious for me to attach with girls.
I do know my interest of throwing colourful intercourse toys onto the courtroom at WNBA video games is edgy and funky. The president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that confirmed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court filled with gamers beneath. How can anybody name it “not humorous” or “harmful” or “sexist” if the president’s son thinks it’s hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at girls’s sporting occasions?
Possibly Donald Trump Jr. would wish to hang around with me and speak about meme cash.
I’m so lonely.
I learn how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped issues individuals like me hold throwing onto the courtroom: “The sexualization of ladies is what’s used to carry girls down, and that is no totally different. These individuals which might be doing this ought to be held accountable. We’re not the butt of the joke, they’re the issue.”
Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys on the courtroom at WNBA video games, am “the issue” and ought to be “held accountable” for the factor I hold doing.
Since when do males who put money into cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme cash get held accountable for his or her actions? That appears sexist, and I blame that angle for my current state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.
So far, I’ve requested 69 girls (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had beforehand made sexualized feedback about on-line below an nameless account in the event that they want to go on a date with me to throw intercourse toys at a WNBA sport and be taught extra about my meme coin. Not a single one has been fascinated about attending to understand how fascinating and intelligent I’m. What am I alleged to do, mirror on whether or not I’m the issue, and take into account treating different individuals with respect and exhibiting an curiosity of their emotions and factors of view?
C’mon. I’m a crypto dude who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. I don’t have time for that type of nonsense.
No, my loneliness is certainly the fault of ladies who’re mad I hold throwing intercourse toys throughout a girls’s sporting occasion that I publicly declare to respect whereas anonymously demeaning it on-line.
Not less than I’ve Inexperienced Dildo Coin. I’m certain finally everybody will see how superior I’m.
Observe USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Fb at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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