I'm a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. Why am I so lonely? | Opinion – USA Immediately

I’m a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing sex toys onto the court at WNBA games, and for the lifetime of me, I can’t determine why I’m so lonely.
It actually isn’t my fault. Nothing is my fault. I’m a crypto man who makes misogynistic jokes about issues on the web after which generally carries rubber sex toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the court, disrupting the sport and risking participant harm so as to draw consideration to my clever meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.
Why wouldn’t everybody need to hang around with me, like, actually on a regular basis?
It must be the male loneliness epidemic.
I’ve some sturdy opinions on that ‒ and the way it’s all of the fault of girls who refuse to go on dates with me so I can clarify to them the hilarity of my meme coin.
Generally I’ll be round ladies and I’ll carry up my meme coin, and I can inform they don’t actually understand what a meme coin is and don’t get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Inexperienced Dildo Coin after which throwing inexperienced intercourse toys at WNBA video games to attract consideration to a factor that doesn’t technically exist.
So I say to them, “Hey, when you don’t perceive what a meme coin is, I’d be pleased to spend a number of hours explaining it to you over a espresso date the place I speak all the time, use the phrase ‘truly’ a superbly cool quantity and ask you nothing about your self. After which you’ll be able to have intercourse with me.”
However they all the time both say no or stroll away laughing, and that makes me need to return to my online meme coin group and speak to them about how the ladies who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it onerous for me to attach with ladies.
I do know my pastime of throwing colourful intercourse toys onto the court docket at WNBA video games is edgy and funky. The president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that confirmed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court filled with gamers beneath. How can anybody name it “not humorous” or “harmful” or “sexist” if the president’s son thinks it’s hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at ladies’s sporting occasions?
Possibly Donald Trump Jr. would need to hang around with me and speak about meme cash.
I’m so lonely.
I learn how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped issues individuals like me preserve throwing onto the court docket: “The sexualization of girls is what’s used to carry ladies down, and that is no completely different. These individuals which can be doing this must be held accountable. We’re not the butt of the joke, they’re the issue.”
Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys on the court docket at WNBA video games, am “the issue” and must be “held accountable” for the factor I preserve doing.
Since when do males who put money into cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme cash get held accountable for his or her actions? That appears sexist, and I blame that angle for my current state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.
Thus far, I’ve requested 69 ladies (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had beforehand made sexualized feedback about on-line beneath an nameless account in the event that they wish to go on a date with me to throw intercourse toys at a WNBA recreation and study extra about my meme coin. Not a single one has been involved in attending to understand how fascinating and intelligent I’m. What am I alleged to do, replicate on whether or not I’m the issue, and think about treating different individuals with respect and exhibiting an curiosity of their emotions and factors of view?
C’mon. I’m a crypto dude who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. I don’t have time for that sort of nonsense.
No, my loneliness is certainly the fault of girls who’re mad I preserve throwing intercourse toys throughout a ladies’s sporting occasion that I publicly declare to respect whereas anonymously demeaning it on-line.
At the least I’ve Inexperienced Dildo Coin. I’m positive ultimately everybody will see how superior I’m.
Observe USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Fb at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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