I'm a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. Why am I so lonely? | Opinion – USA Right now

I’m a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing sex toys onto the court at WNBA games, and for the lifetime of me, I can’t determine why I’m so lonely.
It definitely isn’t my fault. Nothing is my fault. I’m a crypto man who makes misogynistic jokes about issues on the web after which typically carries rubber sex toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the court, disrupting the sport and risking participant harm to be able to draw consideration to my clever meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.
Why wouldn’t everybody wish to hang around with me, like, actually on a regular basis?
It must be the male loneliness epidemic.
I’ve some robust opinions on that ‒ and the way it’s all of the fault of girls who refuse to go on dates with me so I can clarify to them the hilarity of my meme coin.
Generally I’ll be round girls and I’ll deliver up my meme coin, and I can inform they don’t actually understand what a meme coin is and don’t get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Inexperienced Dildo Coin after which throwing inexperienced intercourse toys at WNBA video games to attract consideration to a factor that doesn’t technically exist.
So I say to them, “Hey, when you don’t perceive what a meme coin is, I’d be joyful to spend a number of hours explaining it to you over a espresso date the place I discuss the complete time, use the phrase ‘really’ a superbly cool quantity and ask you nothing about your self. After which you may have intercourse with me.”
However they all the time both say no or stroll away laughing, and that makes me wish to return to my online meme coin group and discuss to them about how the ladies who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it onerous for me to attach with girls.
I do know my passion of throwing colourful intercourse toys onto the court docket at WNBA video games is edgy and funky. The president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that confirmed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court filled with gamers beneath. How can anybody name it “not humorous” or “harmful” or “sexist” if the president’s son thinks it’s hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at girls’s sporting occasions?
Perhaps Donald Trump Jr. would wish to hang around with me and speak about meme cash.
I’m so lonely.
I learn how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped issues individuals like me maintain throwing onto the court docket: “The sexualization of girls is what’s used to carry girls down, and that is no completely different. These individuals which might be doing this ought to be held accountable. We’re not the butt of the joke, they’re the issue.”
Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys on the court docket at WNBA video games, am “the issue” and ought to be “held accountable” for the factor I maintain doing.
Since when do males who spend money on cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme cash get held accountable for his or her actions? That appears sexist, and I blame that perspective for my current state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.
Up to now, I’ve requested 69 girls (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had beforehand made sexualized feedback about on-line beneath an nameless account in the event that they wish to go on a date with me to throw intercourse toys at a WNBA recreation and study extra about my meme coin. Not a single one has been keen on attending to understand how fascinating and intelligent I’m. What am I presupposed to do, replicate on whether or not I’m the issue, and contemplate treating different individuals with respect and displaying an curiosity of their emotions and factors of view?
C’mon. I’m a crypto dude who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. I don’t have time for that sort of nonsense.
No, my loneliness is certainly the fault of girls who’re mad I maintain throwing intercourse toys throughout a girls’s sporting occasion that I publicly declare to respect whereas anonymously demeaning it on-line.
At the least I’ve Inexperienced Dildo Coin. I’m certain ultimately everybody will see how superior I’m.
Comply with USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Fb at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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