I'm a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. Why am I so lonely? | Opinion – USA Right now

I’m a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing sex toys onto the court at WNBA games, and for the lifetime of me, I can’t determine why I’m so lonely.
It actually isn’t my fault. Nothing is my fault. I’m a crypto man who makes misogynistic jokes about issues on the web after which typically carries rubber sex toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the court, disrupting the sport and risking participant harm as a way to draw consideration to my clever meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.
Why wouldn’t everybody wish to hang around with me, like, actually on a regular basis?
It needs to be the male loneliness epidemic.
I’ve some sturdy opinions on that ‒ and the way it’s all of the fault of ladies who refuse to go on dates with me so I can clarify to them the hilarity of my meme coin.
Generally I’ll be round girls and I’ll deliver up my meme coin, and I can inform they don’t actually understand what a meme coin is and don’t get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Inexperienced Dildo Coin after which throwing inexperienced intercourse toys at WNBA video games to attract consideration to a factor that doesn’t technically exist.
So I say to them, “Hey, in the event you don’t perceive what a meme coin is, I’d be pleased to spend a number of hours explaining it to you over a espresso date the place I discuss your complete time, use the phrase ‘really’ a superbly cool quantity and ask you nothing about your self. After which you possibly can have intercourse with me.”
However they at all times both say no or stroll away laughing, and that makes me wish to return to my online meme coin group and discuss to them about how the ladies who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it laborious for me to attach with girls.
I do know my pastime of throwing colourful intercourse toys onto the court docket at WNBA video games is edgy and funky. The president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that confirmed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court stuffed with gamers under. How can anybody name it “not humorous” or “harmful” or “sexist” if the president’s son thinks it’s hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at girls’s sporting occasions?
Possibly Donald Trump Jr. would wish to hang around with me and discuss meme cash.
I’m so lonely.
I learn how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped issues individuals like me hold throwing onto the court docket: “The sexualization of ladies is what’s used to carry girls down, and that is no completely different. These individuals which can be doing this needs to be held accountable. We’re not the butt of the joke, they’re the issue.”
Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys on the court docket at WNBA video games, am “the issue” and needs to be “held accountable” for the factor I hold doing.
Since when do males who put money into cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme cash get held accountable for his or her actions? That appears sexist, and I blame that angle for my current state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.
Up to now, I’ve requested 69 girls (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had beforehand made sexualized feedback about on-line below an nameless account in the event that they wish to go on a date with me to throw intercourse toys at a WNBA recreation and be taught extra about my meme coin. Not a single one has been interested by attending to understand how fascinating and intelligent I’m. What am I speculated to do, mirror on whether or not I’m the issue, and contemplate treating different individuals with respect and exhibiting an curiosity of their emotions and factors of view?
C’mon. I’m a crypto dude who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. I don’t have time for that form of nonsense.
No, my loneliness is unquestionably the fault of ladies who’re mad I hold throwing intercourse toys throughout a girls’s sporting occasion that I publicly declare to respect whereas anonymously demeaning it on-line.
Not less than I’ve Inexperienced Dildo Coin. I’m certain finally everybody will see how superior I’m.
Comply with USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Fb at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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